Cheesy Boys!

AKA: Mozzarella Sticks


-A big thing of mozzarella.

-at least 3/4 cup of sweet rice flour (not white or brown rice flour)

-1/4 cup tapioca starch

-3 eggs

-about 3 tablespoons oatmilk (or other milky substance)

-about 2 cups GF Japanese panko crumbs

-1.5 tsp garlic powder

-1.5 tsp onion powder

-1.25(ish) tsp dried oregano

-1.5 tsp dried parsley (plus more for garnish)

-1 tsp dried thyme

-a bunch of oil (for frying)


-Marinara sauce


1) Cut mozzarella into 3”x1/2”x1/2” pieces

2) Put rice flour in one bowl, beaten eggs and milk in another, and panko crumbs & spices on a plate. Mix panko & spices together with your fingees.

3) Dredge mozzarella in rice flour, egg, and then panko. Press it into the panko mixture and turn to coat.

4) Repeat step 3.

5) Place mozzarella on plate and refrigerate for about an hour.

6) Pull those good boys out of their fortress of solitude and start heating up a frying pan with oil (about an inch deep)

7) Start frying those motherfuckers, turning them over once they start to brown on one side. You’ll know they’re done when they’re either light/medium brown all over, or when cheese starts leaking out.

8) Place ‘em on a plate lined with paper towels. Now run away from your friends and hide because you want them all top yourself, you sick bastard. I love you.

Marinara Sauce:

-Take a regular-sized can of diced tomatoes and empty it into a medium saucepan.

-Add dried parsley, oregano, thyme, salt, garlic powder, and onion powder. You’ll know how much the right amount is.

-Coarsely chop up some garlic cloves and throw it in.

-Crush/mix up the tomato mess with your hands or a masher.

-Mix in a little chicken broth if you’re feeling sexy.

-Heat it on the stove at high heat, stirring. It’ll start to boil. Let it boil/simmer for like five minutes.

-Add in some cornstarch to thicken it up a little. I do this for mozzarella sticks, so I like it chunky. It’s okay if you want it more watery. Whatever floats your boat. Whatever sinks your sub.

-Once it’s the thickness you want, pour it out into a container and put it on pasta or save it or whatever. We put it in an empty marinara sauce jar because its bootleg marinara.